Larry, Moe and...Jim?!?

Image via Wikipedia

Oh Good Lord! Is no one in Hollywood capable of coming up with an original idea? Why must we be subjected to unnecessary, ill-conceived and poorly executed rehashings of classic material?

There have been the attempts to turn classic TV shows into current movies: George of the Jungle, Lost in Space, Bewitched and Land of the Lost have all been rendered as misguided movies that failed to deliver on even the most basic elements of entertainment, failing both as tribute and as parody in each case.

There have been the attempts to up date classic movies: Did we really need a new Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? A new King Kong? A new Planet of the Apes fer crissakes?

No, we did not - we needed none of these. As a rule, these attempts at nostalgia (which are often done with the same faux irony that programs like VH1's "I Love the 70s" have made people believe passes for wit and insight) result in cheaply done grade-Z crap that seldom has even the most minuscule bit of the original's personality and wit. They tend to be written on a lowest-common-denominator level, and are played so broadly by casts who are obviously there only to pick up a paycheck.

And now...well, now they've gone too damned far!

Now they're planning to remake The Three Stooges. Attempting to cast three new Stooges would, in itself, be an affront, but what is being planned borders on blasphemous. Are you sitting down?

How about Sean Penn as Larry Fine? Tough time picturing that? Then you'll have an even tougher time picturing Moe Howard as portrayed by Benicio del Toro. You think I'm joking, don't you? It gets worse: how about arguably the most beloved of the four "Third Stooges," Curly Howard, played by the horrifically overbearing Jim Carrey?

The announcement was made yesterday on Variety.com. Come on, people! Who greenlighted this? Who on Earth is this aimed at? Long time Stooges fans are going to be offended; those who never got the Stooges to begin with will have no need or desire to see this; kids who never saw the original Stooges will have no frame of reference for this. And could a worse cast be chosen?

Am I alone in my sorrow here? Tell me what you think - would you go see this? Would these be the three actors you would have chosen? Is there any chance whatsoever of this being a good thing?